Before having elective surgery in July of 2001, I had a routine sonogram. That test revealed that something more serious was wrong, and after further tests, it was confirmed that I had follicular lymphoma, a cancer of the lymphatic system.

I then began chemotherapy treatment. By the fall of that year, I was in excruciating pain. The chemotherapy had caused sores in my mouth and on my tongue. Pieces of my tongue literally came off. I couldn't eat regular food for five or six months.

Reading Daily Word and Unity teachings supported me during that time and continue to support me today. According to the doctors, this kind of cancer is a very tenacious disease that, when caught early, is managed through periodic chemotherapy.

My work as Rev. Paul Tenaglia's assistant in the office of the Unity Church of New York also blessed me at this time and led me to experience renewed hope from a most unusual source at a Unity retreat.

In July 2002, I attended our regular church retreat at the beautiful Trinity Conference Center in West Cornwall, Conn. I had made it through the worst time of my treatment. Because of the cancer, I still needed chemotherapy, but I was no longer in such a devastated condition. On the evening before the last day of the retreat, those in attendance observed a time of silence. We started right before dinner and didn't break the silence until the next morning after we had returned from what we called “our silent walk with God.” After breakfast, we ended the silence, and all of us, who chose to, shared what we experienced on that walk.

During my walk with God, I saw what I can only describe as a miracle tree: a huge tree with a deep gash that had been burned into its trunk by what I surmised was a searing lightning strike. I could almost feel the pain that tree must have suffered, but as I raised my eyes from that terrible scar to the rest of the tree, I was in awe of the truth that was revealed. There was a full canopy of healthy green leaves at the top of the tree!

Despite the appearance of the scarred trunk, this was a thriving tree, encompassing and healing its wound with new life and growth. This tree was a living metaphor for what I had been through. As I stood in front of the tree, it showed me a story of its own healing that literally took my breath away. Feeling both comforted and inspired, I took in a deep breath of air and walked over to a low stone wall on the property. Immediately I began to write words in my notebook that seemed to flow from my heart to my hand and out through my pen.

During our time of sharing messages that God had given us during our silent morning walk, I read “Badge of Courage,” the poem I had just written. Later David Friedman, a Broadway composer who was helping with the music for the retreat, said, “Barbara, I was so moved by your poem I would like a copy of it so that I can set it to music.” I was pleased about his request, gave him a copy of my poem, and heard nothing more about it for a while.

On the first anniversary of Sept. 11, we were having a church service that was dedicated to courage and overcoming. The music director, Britt Hall, said to me, “I seem to recall that the poem you read at our retreat had something to do with the theme of this service. Would you be willing to read it this Sunday?”

"Of course, I would,” was my answer.

That Sunday I read my poem.

         Tree standing so tall and proud
         Wearing her bold scar like a survival talisman
         A wound—a deep burnt gash in her trunk
         Reaching down to her roots
         Yet surrounded by the power of the trunk
         Which somehow encompassed it
         Allowing it to become one dignified whole
         So that the scar is one with the tree—
                a badge of courage.
         It says, “Be not afraid—look how far I've come,
         How tall I've grown; my leaves continue to unfurl
         In the morning sun and the mist of twilight.
         There is nothing to hold me back
         No tragedy so great that I cannot overcome;
         I have walked through the valley of the shadow
         And returned triumphant to the Source of all.
         My beloved sister, you can do—wait
         You are doing the same, for we are one with God.”
         With that utterance no more needs to be said.

Afterward I took a seat in the front row. The next thing I knew, David announced that he had set my poem to music and began to play as Spiritus, the church's choral group, sang “Badge of Courage.” I was deeply moved and started crying.

Word about the poem grew from that time on. David read the poem to Patricia Neal, an award-winning actress, and she loved it. Patricia, who has recovered from three strokes, said, “This poem should be in every stroke center in the world,” and she offered to record a reading of the poem.

Then David showed the poem to someone who was a cancer survivor, and she said, “The message of this poem should be in a book.” Later a book was developed and published. In addition to that, Spiritus recorded “Badge of Courage” on their first CD.

I believe the real message of my poem is that no matter what we have to deal with in life, the power and the presence of God within will help us overcome it. In the darkest moments, we might feel that we are abandoned, but we never are. God is always present, and we experience this holy presence when we open ourselves to God.

I didn't always consciously know this during my treatment, but I knew it on some deeper level. At one point I asked a very spiritually aware person who had written a book about healing, “Tell me something. When you're in pain, how do you overcome it?” She said, “That's when I pray for other people.”

That is a practice I began to apply in my life. If I woke in the middle of the night because my mouth was hurting, I would pray for those who might be suffering at that moment. The very act of praying for others relieved me of the intense pain and reminded me that we each have a badge of courage.

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Barbara Raven serves as director of pastoral care and administrative assistant at Unity Church of New York. She trained with the prestigious HealthCare Chaplaincy, Inc. for three years in clinical pastoral education. Barbara has been a Unity Truth student for nearly 28 years and is dedicated to a life of service through ministry.


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